Sometimes the art of sport commentary is knowing when to shut up

I’ll always tune in to hear Lane and Ricky Ponting (when he’s available) for the opening shift of a day’s play on Seven’s Test coverages, and Fox Sports’ Mark Howard and the much-missed Shane Warne made for an incomparable duo.

What we don’t need is a literal kick-by-kick or ball-by-ball description (or misdescription) of what we can already see, or a deluge of data (the fallback when a commentator is at a loss for words), or a long-winded explanation about what’s just happened after the game has moved on. Like the anchors, the experts need to know when to pipe down and just let the sport weave its particular magic or to find imaginative ways to colour in the silences.

A commentator’s personality is critical to how he or she performs behind the mic. Some professional callers seem to have been born to the role just as some sportspeople appear to have been gifted with innate abilities. But what’s often forgotten is that, just as being able to call a game doesn’t make you eligible to play it, being able to play a game doesn’t automatically qualify you as a commentator.

In both cases, even if the end result appears effortless, work is required to achieve it. For the sportscaster, it’s research, voice training, a familiarity with the ins-and-outs of the game and its players, as well as with the basic grammar of the English language (the ability, for example, to know when “him” rather than “he” is the right word to use), and the capacity to converse rather than just shoot off at the mouth.

Matthew Hayden’s declamatory style doesn’t encourage engaging viewing. It often seems as if the former champion opening batsman is trying to bash us into submission in much the same way as he dealt with bowlers. Measured observations matter and most come from the Fox footy team. Garry Lyon, Nathan Buckley, Gerard Healy, Jonathan Brown, Jordan Lewis and Leigh Matthews are the pick of the current bunch of ex-players who deliver the goods, even if the sporting culture that spawned them has sometimes made it difficult for them to come to terms with the changing times.

Sometimes eccentricity overcomes the limitations of a commentary. Brian Taylor’s reading of the play and his facility with spoken English might leave something to be desired. But his foibles have a wacky appeal, one which is ably supported by the endearing Matthew Richardson’s appealingly mischievous ways.

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Alongside the indefatigable and ever-enthusiastic Bruce McAvaney, Seven’s now-retired Dennis Cometti was able to bring the dullest AFL matches alive with his sharp wit and concise descriptions. Often in a similarly entertaining way, Fox Sports has Kerry O’Keeffe. And Howard always brings a sense of fun to his shifts. But Cometti’s skills serve as a model to which most can only aspire, and his calls were packed with memorable one-liners.

Like the one that could only have come off the top of his head: “Ball to Barker to Barlow … the Hawks are attacking alphabetically!” Or his response to Geelong forward Barry Stoneham’s blunder when a pass goes straight through his hands and hits him in the face: “A classic example of kiss my pass.” Or his “Scotty Cummings, alone in the square … jumping up and down and waving his arms like they’re playing My Sharona.”

The coming year is going to be a testing time for AFL commentators in particular, with Fox Sports no longer required to take Seven’s calls, and Seven spending up big on new recruits (but, alas, losing Tim Watson, their best). And while there will be numerous factors in play – free-to-air vs subscriptions, ads vs uninterrupted coverage during play – one thing is for sure. The skills of the commentary teams will play a huge role in the choices viewers make about which service they’re going to tune into.

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