From soulmates, opposites attract, to TOTGA or the one that got away, relationships have long been surrounded by various theories and ideas.
This also includes the infamous “7-year itch,” which suggests that romantic relationships often face major challenges around the seven-year mark.
In an interview with GMA News Online, dating coach Vanessa Antonio, also known as Coach Vee, explained that the 7-year itch is a phase that takes place when a long-term relationship’s excitement has worn off.
“Usually, when it comes to relationships, the first few years are about growth and exploring each other, discovering each other. But then, after all that excitement has waned, you have the routines, and then you have a lot of unmet expectations, and you have a lot of tampo na nagkapatong-patong,” she said.
Coach Vee believes that the said the suppposed 7-year itch is present in both married and also unmarried couples.
“Kapag wala na ‘yung excitement, tapos you have a lot of resentment, that’s when people start looking outside of the relationship. Basically, 7-year itch is dissatisfaction that you feel from your current relationship and the need to experience something new,” Coach Vee said.
According to Coach Vee, the concept’s name was from the 1955 romantic comedy film “The Seven Year Itch,” which starred Marilyn Monroe, Tom Ewell, and Evelyn Keyes.
The movie was about a man who was tempted to cheat on his wife while his family was off on vacation.
“It started as a campaign, like a marketing campaign. But then, after all that big campaign, they actually realized that it made sense because on the seventh year or more, doon nila nakikita ‘yung mga relationships are going down. It’s because the excitement has waned, and then couples enter ‘yung routine, so parang bumababa na,” Coach Vee said.
She added that in America, a lot of divorce happens in the seventh year of couples’ marriages.
“It’s hard to get data in the Philippines because we don’t have divorce, but that’s also something we could look at. Like, at what year do they start fighting and filing for annulment, right? But eventually, we will have that data,” she said.
As a dating and matching coach of 11 years, Coach Vee believes that the 7-year itch concept is not a myth but instead a trend amongst relationships.
However, the “itch” may happen even before reaching the seventh year mark.
“It’s really about how fast the relationship became boring. That’s the point of it. It could happen on the third year, it could happen on the 18th month, kasi sabi nila the honeymoon period ends after 18 months. Based on science kasi, biochemically, ‘yung love hormones lumalabas na sa katawan natin after 18 months, so pawala na ‘yung honeymoon period,” she said.
And once the honeymoon period ends, partners get to see their other half for who they really are instead of visualizing them as the perfect and ideal person they used to be in the beginning.
What to do to avoid the ‘7-year itch?’
Early signs of the 7-year itch start to show up when couples stop doing something new together, which Coach Vee called the “death of the relationship.”
“And that’s just humans in general. When we don’t do something new, we stay within our comforts, that’s when we deteriorate. Sabi nga nila, when you’re not moving forward, you’re stepping backward,” she said.
To avoid this, Coach Vee suggests a strategy she finds very effective amongst her clients, which is doing one kind deed every day for your partner.
It could be simple things like making them coffee in the morning, sending them a ‘Take care, drink your water’ text, or greet them once they get back home from work.
“Because the world is already harsh and we experience so many unkindness outside that if you are our person, if I’m in a relationship with you, you should be the number one source of love and kindness,” she said, adding that it’s going to help your partner see you always on a good light.
Another thing Coach Vee thinks couples must do is to dig deeper whenever problems are encountered.
“When we dig deeper, you discover that one of them is dissatisfied sa intimacy.”
During fights, the partner may give shallow and socially-acceptable reasons why they’re mad, like they don’t wash the dishes or they don’t buy flowers.
“But when you go deeper, it’s because they’re not satisfied in the intimacy part. So, especially for married couples, I would highly recommend increasing physical contact because that’s also one of the major sources of cracks in a relationship, when you’re not spending enough time together physically,” she said.
When to let go?
While there are solutions for the said curse, not all 7-year itch problems are solvable.
The phase may take place not just because of minor inconsistencies in the relationship but also because partners have developed “irreconcilable differences.”
“The other one wants to raise a family on the farm, in the mountains, and the other one wants to live in New York City. I mean, how can you find a compromise there?” Coach Vee said.
“If it is differences in long term goals and plans, it’s time to move on when they don’t identify with you,” she added. “You can find a person who has the same plans and goals as you para may less friction at tension ang relationship.” —JCB, GMA Integrated News
