I ate the Olive Garden Chocolate Lasagna so you don’t have to

Olive Garden is selling something that it is marketing as “Chocolate Lasagna.” It’s just a slice of chocolate layer cake.

There, I just saved you about 10 bucks and 1,000 calories.

You can stop reading now if you want. I won’t blame you. The only people I expect to read further are my mom and that one person out here who loves Olive Garden and is looking for an email to send complaints to.

Olive Garden Chocolate Lasagna

“Chocolate Lasagna” is a crime against two languages. It’s just a slice of chocolate layer cake with chocolate mousse that’s topped with ganache and has a layer of crushed wafers at the bottom. It’s as much a “Chocolate Lasagna” as a cannoli can be a “Chocolate Chip Burrito.”

This dereliction of dessert decency is like if Chick-fil-A started marketing their sandwiches as “Southern Chicken Parm Sliders.” Yes, I’d 100% eat it. But I’d do so with an indignant scowl trying to make up for how much of a sucker I am.

With that said, the “Chocolate Lasagna” does taste pretty good, which shouldn’t be surprising since it’s, you know, cake. So, congrats, Olive Garden. You’ve pulled off the world’s weirdest low-stakes mass-marketing skullduggery.

It’s like if someone tried to sell me a pre-owned hot tub on Craigslist, but instead I got a really nice new couch. Yes, I’ve technically been bamboozled and/or hornswoggled. But this is probably a better outcome for me.

What does it taste like?

For the sake of conducting ethical lasagna science, I decided to get both the “Chocolate Lasagna” and the “Lasagna Classico.” To be clear, I got the lunch-sized portion of the real lasagna. I didn’t want to go full Garfield the cat at this Olive Garden on a Wednesday afternoon.

The “Chocolate Lasagna”

All jokes aside, this is a pretty good cake. It’s rich, but not overly heavy. It’s chocolatey, but not too sweet.

The crushed wafers at the bottom were definitely the most interesting part, adding some really nice texture and flavor. I feel like if they leaned into that and the ganache more, they could have had a more unique dessert that was more deserving of the “lasagna” monicker.

But then again, they also could have tried to use chocolate pasta. So let’s be glad they didn’t get too ambitious over here.

The three layers of cake are delightfully dense. So it’s nice to see Olive Garden offset that with chocolate mousse as the filling. Throwing buttercream in there would have been a bit much.

Overall, this dessert is a chilled mesa of chocolate that is really satisfying in the way it lets you cut through the layers with your fork. It pops with dark, chocolatey flavor and only gets better with the added chocolate sauce and whipped cream.

Lasagna Classico

Well, this is technically lasagna. Most of the lasagna’s bulk consists of layers of pasta, then ricotta, then a little sauce, then repeat. There’s not much actual melted cheese inside the body of the lasagna which is disappointing.

It checks all the boxes you look for. But it is a bit dry and boring on the inside. The more generous sauce on the top does most of the heavy lifting in terms of flavor.

This isn’t how I’d make lasagna. But I also don’t design the menu for the Olive Garden lunch rush. So I’m not really in a position to speak.

So is it any good?

In terms of it being a delicious thing to eat? Yes, this is a solid dessert at a fast-casual chain restaurant.

In terms of marketing? It’s as rich in lies as it is in chocolate.

The final word

I look at Olive Garden the same way I do cranberries. I’m quite vocal in my general distaste of them, but I also understand they have their place.

I have a beef with Massachusetts’ most famous bog-fruit because I have to deal with cranberry sauce haunting the dinner table every Thanksgiving. I bristle at Olive Garden because my mom’s side of the family is Italian and refuses to associate with whatever it is they’re doing over there.

If I went to Italy and tried to pass this dessert as “Chocolate Lasagna,” I’d be chased away by every nonna with a rolling pin within a half-mile.

Still, I’d absolutely tear into a basket of Olive Garden breadsticks. I have zero pride when it comes to me and carbs.

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“I ate it so you don’t have to” is a regular food column looking at off-beat eats, both good and bad. It runs every other Thursday-ish at noon-ish.

You can send any praise/food suggestions to [email protected]. Please send all criticisms and complaints about restaurant chains doing weird things to Italian food to [email protected]. You can check out the rest of the series here.