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Photo: Alix McIntosh
With Shrek it’s always the same old song and dance. “What are ye doin’ in my swamp?” he says. “Get out of my swamp!” he says. It’s never the four words every woman wants to hear: “Get into my swamp.”
Until now!
Airbnb has diverted the public’s attention away from the massive L they took in the NYC rental market with a very special listing, entreating you to “Spend the night in Shrek’s Swamp.” You know how dorks love to stay in those real-life Hobbit holes you see on Pinterest? This is like one of those, sharing that ripped-from-a-storybook aesthetic and mossy overgrowth landscaping, only it’s an exact recreation of Shrek’s humble ogre home from the Shrek films. The two-bed, one-bath “stumpy, secluded haven” was posted by “Donkey,” hilariously “identity verified” on Airbnb. That one bath, by the way, is Shrek’s outhouse as seen in the first film’s opening sequence, (per the listing: “You know the one”), a perfect place to sit vigil for Smash Mouth lead singer Steve Harwell.
Shrek’s Swamp is in the Far, Far Away kingdom of the Scottish Highlands, sitting on the historic Ardverikie Estate. Shrek himself won’t be there, but Queen Victoria once spent three weeks at Ardverikie in 1847, and she was sort of the Shrek of her time, in a way. Also, there’s no Wi-Fi.
Airbnb is advertising a free two-night swamp stay for up to three lucky “brogres” (vomit) from October 27 to 29. The press release cautions that this is “not a contest” despite what it sounds like, so it’s up to you to scramble to reserve it on October 13 at 1 p.m. It’s not too late to plan a last minute destination wedding.
