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These bags aren’t, in the words of Tom Wambsgans, “ludicrously capacious.”
The first episode of the fourth and final season of “Succession” begins in the same setting that kicked off the whole series when it premiered five years ago, at the birthday party of the family patriarch Logan Roy.
However, there are some key differences at this year’s extremely depressing fête: Logan’s ousted children, Shiv, Kendall, and Roman are not there to partake in the celebration, as they’re in Los Angeles plotting their revenge on the vicious way their father blocked their coup attempt, namely by launching a media brand described as “Substack meets Masterclass meets The Economist meets The New Yorker.” On the opposite side of the country, Tom has gone from a punching bag to a power player who is “very heartened” by Logan’s loving reassurance that “if we’re good, we’re good.”
But perhaps the starkest contrast to the series’ first episode is that Greg (Nicholas Braun) is no longer the outsider nepo baby looking for a job. In fact, he’s grown to become so comfortable that he’s brought a date to his ancient uncle’s birthday party, who one member of the firm refers to as “Bridget Randomfuck.” Why the dig? Apparently the tip off that she didn’t belong with this pack of silver spoon-fed wolves (aside from asking for a selfie with Logan) was her Burberry tote bag that, despite costing nearly $3,000, is apparently not the accessory of billionaires.
Splashed in the British luxury brand’s signature check pattern, the two-handled tote is the epitome of the type of gauche and over-the-top garment that one wears when they want to signal wealth but aren’t enough acquainted with those in the top percentile to know that the real rich don’t need to flaunt logos to indicate their tax bracket (think of Kendall’s $625 Lora Piana cashmere blend sweater or $6,490 Tom Ford suede bomber jacket that he wears in this same episode).
As Tom puts it, “She’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there, huh? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail? I mean, Greg, it’s monstrous. It’s gargantuan. You could take it camping. You could slide it across the floor after a bank job.”
So, what type of bag wouldn’t get you kicked out of Logan Roy’s birthday party. Below, check out five luxe designer totes that are sophisticated enough to make it past Tom’s discerning eye.
Bottega Veneta Small Andiamo
Courtesy of Bottega Veneta
You can’t be late to a trend if you buy it straight off the runway. This small Bottega Veneta tote made its debut at the brand’s spring/summer 2023 show, and is the perfect size — big enough to fit anything you need for a long day but not obtrusive enough to be mistaken for a camping backpack…
Bottega Veneta Small Andiamo
Khaite Medium Lotus Tote
The American luxury brand Khaite is a favorite among the New York elite. It doesn’t splash any tacky logos or signature patterns but anyone with taste will be able to spot the $2,700 bag in a crowd.
Khaite Medium Lotus Tote
$2,700
Prada Soft Padded Tote Bag
The Gen X’ers that are a part of Cousin Greg’s coterie might be able to get away with something a little flashier like this trendy Prada bag.
Tod’s T Plaque Tote Bag
The luxury leather goods company Tod’s is one that would only be known by those in the innermost circles that are able to afford it. Constructed out of high quality black, calf leather with a pebbled texture, the only defining feature is its silvertone “T” hardware.
Tod’s T Plaque Tote Bag
$1,675
Chloé Medium Woody Tote Bag
The Chloé tote is a staple accessory in any wealthy mom’s wardrobe, ahe medium size will save you from any jibes about it being “ludicrously capacious.”
Chloé Medium Woody Tote Bag
$2,014
Jacquemus Le Grand Chiquito Tote Bag
You can’t go wrong rocking Jacquemus, whose tote bag version is a much welcome update on their famously small crossbodies.
Jacquemus Le Grand Chiquito Tote Bag
$740
