How helicopter parents killed kids’ freedom to play: psychologists

Parenting

By Marc Lallanilla

August 16, 2023 | 4:55pm

Kids these days — they aren’t allowed to be kids.

Spontaneous child’s play — strolling through the woods, playing tag outside or just staring at clouds on a summer afternoon — is increasingly a thing of the past.

And parents are the ones sounding the alarm, even as they’re implicated in the rise of anxiety-driven, heavily supervised “play.”

“There wasn’t any of that when I was a child,” said one participant in a recent study of structured playtime from the UK’s University of Essex.

“It wasn’t available in the ’50s. There was more freedom in those days, we used to go off and my mother didn’t think to worry … you just went off down [into] the woods, it was a freer time.”

The study, published in the journal Sociology of Health & Fitness, surveyed 28 UK residents born between 1950 and 1994 about their own physical activity history and the ways that family members influenced those experiences.

The research revealed that significant changes in childrearing habits began in the 1990s.

“Until around the 1990s, parents were not expected to endlessly entertain and monitor their children in the same way they are today, so children had greater freedom to play independently,” study author Dr. John Day said in a news release.

“But since those children have become parents themselves, society has changed so there is a heightened feeling of responsibility for their children’s development,” Day added.

Much of that sense of responsibility came from the realization that kids weren’t getting enough physical playtime as technology, the internet and video games began to occupy children’s days.

So worried helicopter parents rushed in to fill up kids’ schedules with structured play dates and organized group activities.

“The Xbox generation, as they call it … my lad’s a prime example of it,” said one frustrated dad in the survey. “I’ve battled against it since he was a teenager … the virtual world is their world. They just sit in their bedrooms.”

And now, the same parent said, the spontaneity has been drained out of children’s lives. “Everything seems to be organized and has to be chaperoned to make sure the kids are all right.”

Gone, the father lamented, are the days when a parent would tell their child, “Just go off and have a bit of freedom, go and do what you wanna do,” adding that it “is a big shame.”

“Society today positions parents as the sole engineers in their children’s development, which represents an unrealistic burden that brings with it unjust pressure and expectation,” Day explained.

Some of that social pressure is caused by a heightened awareness of risks.

“One aspect of the problem is increased fears around stranger danger,” Day said, referring to concerns over child abduction, “and more traffic on the roads.”

As such, “opportunities for children to be physically active through spontaneous play have become limited.”

The result, according to Day and many parents, is a loss of independence gained through unstructured, unsupervised play.

“Parents are encouraged to spend more time with their children while simultaneously judged on how independent their children are,” Day said.

“But most of the learning about independence takes place when children take risks of their own choosing, and these opportunities are becoming lost in childhood.”